As I am

October 30, 2017, As I am.jpg

“I Cursed as Hatred, I Keep as Anger, I Give as Trial, I Freeze as Pain, I See as Disappoint, I Watch as Hope, I Smile as Believe, I Fall as Step, I Lock as Waiting, and yet I still as I am,”

 

The best feeling you will ever had is, to stay true to who you are no matter what kind of storm that coming for you, and it’s more fun that way. If you fall just rise again, if you fail just try again, if you being betray just give them mid-finger & move on, be the way you & be true for who you are.

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Simplest Decision

October 23, 2017, Simplest Decision Logical Sadist.jpg

“sometime the Simplest answer for each Decision with Logical mindset that eventually you took, is always being look as a Sadist answer.”

 

You do know there are a problem that take a short time to solve them but also there are a problem that take a long time to solved it.  The Simplest Decision is one way to have short-cut, it’s not idiotic at all when you took it from Logical mindset. rather than called them idiotic, it’s more likely Sadistic (Heartless).

Unnecessary Feeling

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“,,Maybe you are right, there are so many unnecessary feelings within our life. But without any of those feelings, how people can appreciate love. How they know that they being happy without knowing sadness. How they know about royalty without being betray. How they know about hope without Despair. How they know which feeling is which, if they never know the other feeling.”

 

Even there is a time when we don’t want any of this unnecessary feeling, they keep coming to us, make us depress, & gloomy, that made us sometime wish to not having any of those. But did you ever think, what happen if you never know those unnecessary feeling? How do you know about Happiness when you don’t know sadness. How you know about hope without knowing Despair. Without it we know nothing.

Bunny Diary Chapter 04.5; Theatrum – Ghost Ship I; Lonely Girl

Bunny Diary Chapter 04.5; Theatrum – Ghost Ship I; Lonely Girl

Bunny Diary Chapter 4.5; Theatrum – Ghost Ship I; Lonely Girl

“You never know what kind of fate you have ahead, you never know what kind of person awaits you, & you never know what kind of story will be written for you. Only fate that filling with question & mysterious, that make everything more fun to play with. Don’t you agree with me.” – she said with smile.

 

As I can hear unrecognized voice into my head, it lead me to another direction as I try to listen where it coming from, that is not far from my side.

 

While I try to find whose voice it is, she ask me,

“So, why don’t you finish your story?” – with smirk.

 

It very simple question, yet I can’t answer that question easily. How even I began the story, when everything is changed. Everything is, gone, empty.

 

Two hour earlier.

All seem normal to me, passengers on board, crew are standby at their post, & captain is greeting all passengers in front of the gate,

(Seem weird, even it natural on  Cruise Ship like this.) – I thought.

 

Many passenger just having fun, have shopping, & make a lot of noise for their party,

(Seem annoying to me, though.) – I thought with bored eyes.

 

And the rest, they just rest in their cabin or relaxing under the sun. It’s not something to be surprised for, since some of them are tired from their traveling that will be going onward.

 

Yet not all passenger can sleep with so much noise like this,

(Doesn’t matter if you had cabin or not, either way you can’t sleep this way.) – I thought as I get annoyed.

 

Walking between the crowd, alone, using my headphones & music on, to repelled all noise in this world. It’s not that I don’t want to enjoy the party or spend all the money to buy unnecessary stuff, but what is the point to buy the same things all over if the old one is still good. I called it ‘efficient’, but my friends called them ‘stingy’. Can’t blame them for what they look at the surface only. Arguing what you believe is right to someone who don’t listen or even open their mind is pointless.

 

Called it ‘strange’ for I can’t enjoy this kind of party, called it ‘weird’ for I choose this kind of choice for my life & called it ‘heartless’ for I really don’t care for those who make fun of me.

 

As the time passing by I try to get myself out from the crowd, I found an empty bench close to balcony fence, where I can see ocean & less people passing by. Though it doesn’t change much about the noise that still disturbing me,

*Yawn*

“I’m tired.” – I said while sitting.

 

But by the time I try to close my eyes, everything suddenly become quiet. More than quiet, all noise from the music & all voice from people whose talking out loud is gone. Even the music from my headphone. That basically, there are nothing but a silent,

(Should I be happy about that, that I finally could sleep peacefully or should I worried over something that bothering me the whole time.) – I wondering.

 

No noise, no voice, it’s just me & the silence now. Even when I try to move my body, I couldn’t do it. I feel like floating, in the mid of darkness that filled with emptiness.

 

Until her voice reached me. A voice that filled the emptiness. A voice that awake me from the darkness. A voice, that I didn’t recognize at all, a beautiful voice yet all her words that she have been saying, they feel lonely.

 

As I’m awake, I opened my eyes. Surprisingly that I’m awake inside the cabin, where there are many seats on & she is over there, sitting on the other side, close to the windows. With the fact that it only the two of us is here, alone.

 

All others passengers is gone, crew are nowhere to be seen, & all place that I have been seen become darker. Even though, I try to sleep at the noon time.

 

The moon from the windows is the only light we have, with nothing I can heard except her voice, the wave from the sea & wind was so quiet.

 

While reading a book, she said,

“Don’t you think it little bit awkward to be like this?” – She ask one question after another’s, without even looked at me.

 

While everyone is gone & everything is different, she keeps asking like there was nothing happened. Yet she keep talking without waiting any of my answer, telling her story like there was no tomorrow, that make me lose a track of the time itself.

 

‘How long I have been here?’ is the only thing that popup to my mind, wondered about the time with the broken clock on the wall. I truly can’t tell the time difference with this kind of atmosphere surrounding me.

 

And suddenly she said something else,

“Isn’t that beautiful, the stars between those darkness.” – she said with looking up to the sky from the windows,

“So pity tiny from here, yet it still beautiful, don’t you think so?” – said her with her little smirk she putting on.

 

Can’t say a single word, can’t say I understand all her words, while she always put it in a strange way.

 

As she staring out to the windows, as my eyes adapted with this darkness, I try to look at her once more. With a silky black hair & long white dress, that really suits her, though it’s look like for a party dress rather than casual.

 

She also wearing a glasses that covering her red eyes. She sit there, under the moon light, looking at them so deeply & she is rather beautiful than scary,

(Just how deep she staring at those stars & moon in the sky?) – I thought with wondering.

 

“Don’t you think it impolite, to staring a woman like that.” – she said suddenly with her eyes glance at me & smile she give to me.

 

As she smiled at me, as I realized my mistake, I got blushed,

*Blush*

“S-Sorry.”

 

Then she put her book to the side, & start to standing up from her seat,

“So, do you want to get a fresh air?” – she ask kindly.

 

As I could understand her word, & without I thinking I respond to her,

“Sure.” – with I standing up as well.

 

It’s not actually I respond to her without thinking, but there are many thing that I want to know even it enough to make my head full of question. Like, ‘where am I right now?’ or something like, ‘is this some kind of weird dream?’ but even all those question is popup inside my head, ‘why it really feel so real for I am here, right now.’ Is the most thing that make me confused.

 

While we are on the way to going out to feel the wind & the world, I realize something. This ship is really empty & without any trace of living being. Rust, dust, & shattering glass can be seen everywhere, even the ship have many hole & crack. The pool is empty, the shopping district & the party place are in a mess, like being abandoned for a long time.

 

When we got outside, the wind that blows on us are colder than snow that falling,

(Wow, it quite cold here.) – I thought with freezing.

 

As I look up to the sky, I saw beautiful stars & moon that filling the darkness on the sky, without a single cloud floating. Just like what she said,

“The stars between those darkness, so pity tiny from here, yet it still beautiful.” – I said to myself.

 

The views from here are pretty nice, though for some people is creepy. When I saw her, she closed her eyes as she feel the winds that blows at her, & the way her hair got blows are so beautiful.

 

But then the rain suddenly pouring, even there are no cloud on the sky. As she open her eyes, she just standing there feel the rain over her. She turning around & around, she just dancing, & feel the rain surround her. Just like a little girl that happily playing under the rain.

 

As I walk closer to her, she looked at me & saying,

“Are you going to stand there or will you pull me inside?” – she said with giving me her hand,

“Because if you not gonna dance with me, both of us gonna get wet.” – said her with smile.

I looked at her with thinking,

(Dancing or not, the results is still the same for both of us. Let’s just go inside, shall we.) – I thought, as I take her hand, I pull her inside to take cover.

 

Yet she already dry by the time she passing the door to the corridor. As we walk into the dark corridor, she lead the way, ‘where we are going?’ I don’t have the answer for that either way.

 

Afterward things become more quiet, since she not start conversation & even it awkward for me to start conversation while she give me a silence.

 

As we walk into the darkness night, the moon is the only light we have. He lighting our way through the windows, though it still quite dark but it much better than nothing.

 

With her steps still onward, she looking back on me, while saying,

“Did you ever feel lonely?” – ask her with curious expression.

Surprised with her question, I answer her casually since I do understand that kind of thing,

“You only feel lonely when there are people.”

“Then what happened when all people is gone?” – answer her questioning my answer.

“Rather than feeling lonely, it’s more likely, Empty.” – answer me with looking outside the windows.

As she do the same thing as I did, she respond,

“Empty? It a very troublesome, huh.” – she said with a boring eyes,

“Then what happen when you throw all those unnecessary feelings?” – she looking back at me, this time is with a deep stared,

“Will you have love or will you have happiness within you from that?” – ask her curious.

Surprised with her statement, I respond,

“Maybe you are right, there are so many unnecessary feelings within our life. But without any of those feelings, how people can appreciate love. How they know that they being happy without knowing sadness. How they know about royalty without being betray. How they know about hope without Despair. How they know which feeling is which, if they never know the other feeling.” – I explain.

As she give me a moment of silent, she keep staring at me deeply,

“Wow, you do know your stuff, huh. Impressive.” – she said with smile,

“But then how about you throw all those feelings? By all, I mean all of them.” – she said with turn to my direction.

Surprised with what her said,

“Huh?” – I stopped my step.

But knowing I stopped my step, she continue her steps,

“I wonder which one of us is not human anymore that way.” – she getting closer,

“Isn’t that an interesting statement?” – she said with malicious smile.

 

As I hear those words coming out from her, I’m awake in the same place as I’m awake before, while she sit there reading her book on the same place when the first time I saw her.

 

Confused,

“Is it a dream that being repeated,”

“Or is it an event that being looped,” – she said while cut my words,

 

As she looking at me with her smile, she closed her book & start telling me all her story again. Without any hesitation or even holding back, like a teacher telling all her history to her student. She tell what she want to tell. Laugh, angry, confused, exciting, I could tell all her emotion alongside her story, & the way she tell me all her story, is just make me wonder,

(How long she have been here?) – curious.

“Must pretty Lonely.” – she said suddenly while stopped on the mid of her story, as she keep looking at me in the eyes, she keep questioning thing that I don’t really understand,

“Do you want to coming back,” – she said with serious tone,

“Or do you want your heart back?” – she ask casually.

 

But when I started to understand her words, in the same time I surprised by what she really mean by it. But before I could ask her, she disappeared before my eyes. For a moment ago she was there, on the same seat together with her book, telling me her story, yet just a blink eyes, she disappeared.

 

Without thinking much, I try to looking for her. ‘What reason I have to do that?’, even I have no idea the reason behind my action, but one thing that I’m sure, it’s not a panic it more likely worried.

 

As I try to looking for her in every single place, in every cabin, shopping district or even the party place, yet I couldn’t find her.

 

But suddenly I saw a flower petal falling behind me, one after another, it’s like they try to guide me to somewhere else,

(Perhaps they will guide me to where she is.) – I thought as I feel relieved.

 

Later on.

Finally I arrived to the final petal which is led me to this door, they guide me quite far from the point I saw them,

(If I remember correctly this door is, the door to restaurant, right? Last time I check it still in a mess, why they led me to here?) – wondering to myself.

 

As I open the door, I’m surprised with what I saw. The restaurant is not in a mess, even everything in this ship is in a mess, & what is more I check this place before but,

“How could it become like this?” – confused & wondering.

 

Everything is tidy. Bar, table, decoration, wall, ceiling, & even the red carpet are clean like new. As I walk to one of the closer table to me, I see the candle are match with the atmosphere. Fork & knife was on their place correctly,

“Just how did this happen?” – I wondered as I pull the chair & try to sit.

“It takes you long enough to coming here, I’m hungry you know.” – she said suddenly appear in front of me.

“Ah, sorry about that.” – I respond casually.

“Hehehe, you are quite strange you know that, but I like that.” – she said with a smile at me,

“So, do you want to have dinner now?” – she ask me kindly.

“Yeah.” – I respond.

 

Just as I thought, I feel relieved when I can find her unharmed. Though the possibility of her got injured are zero. Since from what I have learn, she have been here for such a long time.

 

Each of her words was twisted, each of her story mean one day she have been lonely. I don’t know how long she have been here, or how lonely she must be this whole time, even I have no idea what she is.

 

Each of her story, telling me the truth about her. Each of her words, telling me her feeling. Yet each time that passing by from this moment, I couldn’t hear her voice properly, as if she vanished again, before I could ask her name.

 

As I walking into those dark corridor again with her, the moon give a light toward me, I can see her, she have been waiting under the shadow, I can see her with her red eyes glowing within the darkness like a devil.

 

“I don’t remember the last time I meet a person like you.” – she said with smile,

“I don’t even remember this feeling,” – she said with her tone little bit sad,

“It’s not about being lonely.” – ,

“But how it feel to have accompanied by someone like you.” – she said while she trying to keep her smile,

“Though I’m the only one who always talk, you still listening to me calmly with the eyes of curiosity that ready to ask all about my story,” – ,

“It’s difficult to put farewells into words, huh, but,” – ,

“Let’s meet again in the other side.” – she said with smile on her face.

 

As she giving me her final smile, with waving her hand as her farewells, a bright light coming from behind her, getting more, & more bright till everything white blank.

 

As I wake up in the same place when I try to sleep, I really can’t tell whether it’s real or just a dream. Everything seem like just a dream, but how I explain this, this sensation, this feeling, was like real. Since everything that happened back then seem so real to me, it like almost impossible to be just a dream.

 

“A dream, huh?” – I questioning myself.

 

After I awake, I could hear all loud voice as clear as day again, all passenger that gone are back, & all mess are also vanish.

 

As I arrive to my destination, while I trying to forget everything, there is yet one think that still bothering me, what does she mean by “Let’s meet again in the other side.”?

 

The END..?

 

 

As he walk away, back to the ship, there is a beautiful girl with a silky black hair, white dress & glasses covering her red eyes, waving her hand as if she try saying farewells to a certain person, with her sweet devil smile she said,

“Let me have your soul for myself next time.”

 

 

To be continue,

Note;

This story is fiction.

All persons, groups, places, laws, and names appearing in it have no relation to the real world.

By; Resaid of Story

Revenge Haunt

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“you can do whatever you want to do,

except hurting the other,

beware that Revenge always Haunt.”

 

Bullying without reason, making fun for your own fun, & playing people while there are a ton of game. Not all people can forgive easily, not all people can forget what you doing. Success is one way to revenge but there is a time where they actually taking revenge on you.

Being yourself without bully is not something that difficult, isn’t?

Don’t Trust Me

 

October 2, 2017, Don't Trust Me.jpg

“sometime when people saying ‘don’t Trust me’,

they do really understand how it feel being ‘Betray’.”

 

Betrayal is not something that easy to forgive, they destroy people, change them, & turn them into someone who you know now, either they become wild or wise is up to them, but knowing one thing, they do really understand how it feel being betray.

Say it Properly

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“there is always something I want to Say, Easy to Think but it Hard to Say it properly.”

 

Every single time you made a mistake or accidently hurt people feeling, there is only one thing to do, apologize or say ‘sorry’ to them. But even your mind thinking that way, sometime it very difficult to say it, and it got even harder by the time that passing by.

Love is not the only one that easy to think but difficult to say it properly.